Mercy and Sin
by Sinkme
Summary: Drabble-ish. It would be better to be a traitor to the light, because in the end I will probably be alive. Snape's musings during HBP if he was 'in it for himself' and could switch sides easily.


Just a one shot about Snape and his thoughts during HBP.

This is what I think Snape would be like if he was 'just in it for himself' as so many argued before DH came out.

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_It would be better to be a traitor to the light, because at least if I am discovered I will remain alive. _Snape blinked as the thought crossed his mind. He had long since stopped paying attention to the staff meeting, and as his restless mind wandered he had continuously returned to the topic of treason. He suspected a meeting with the Dark Lord would be soon, and for some reason he felt his own end rapidly approaching.

_No matter what I do, I am damned by both sides. Dumbledore put me in an impossible position when I turned to him. I will never be able to fulfill my true purpose. I will never truly be redeemed. _Now that thought was alarming. He leaned back in his chair, fingers crossed and resting on his chin, looking to anyone who didn't know him, _most of the staff_, to be concentrating on the budgets required by each department for the remaining year. Snape returned to the dangerous road that his thoughts were taking.

_My purpose in switching sides was to protect Lily. I failed. Dumbledore took advantage of that situation, of me, to ensure a means to his own end. Damn old man should have been in Slytherin. And I have worked for him for more than a decade, but I am no closer to redeeming my soul than I was the day that Lily was murdered. With each meeting with the Dark Lord to gather information for Dumbledore, I am forced to commit yet another atrocity in order to keep my cover safe. How blind have I become if it has taken me this long to realize that my soul was never meant to be saved, that I will forever languish in the dark?_

_There is nothing for me here. No one who cares and no one to care for. The only person who I claim to even be on speaking terms with is Dumbledore, and that is by necessity. Besides, one way or another, one of us will die at the end of the year. _

He quickly surveyed the room; everyone was talking, except Sybil, and no one was even daring to glance in his direction. Dumbledore did not return his gaze, and Snape felt his own conclusions solidify in that moment.

_It would be better to be a traitor to the light, because they are trusting, naïve fools who believe in second chances and learning from past mistakes. At the end of the day, their own perceived notions of right and wrong are what have prolonged this war. If they killed instead of taking prisoners, as the Death Eaters do, this war would have been over long ago. And that is why it would be better to betray them, because if they discover me I will have a far better chance of outwitting them and escaping then I will if the Dark Lord were to discover me. _

_His inclination to draw out torture of enemies is frightening enough without wondering what he would do to a traitor. And what would I get in the end, if I did follow Saint Dumbledore's plan?_

_In the end, there is no glory for me. No redemption. No trust. No life. He doesn't even really believe I will survive the war, I can see it in his eyes. His so called plan for the 'greater good' doesn't include me. I will either be killed by the Dark Lord for my treachery before Potter finishes him off, or I will be condemned and sent to Azkaban or death by the Order. _

_Dumbledore will soon approach me with a plan to work around my Unbreakable Vow, or he will tell me straight out that I won't be able to follow through with it when the time comes and I will have to die for the light. _

_And I'll agree, of course._

_Until the time comes and he finds out just how wrong he was all along. As they say, "Nothing emboldens sin so much as mercy."_

Snape smirked, hands folded carefully over his mouth, as the details and plans quickly worked themselves out in his head and he felt a burning pull in his left forearm.

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So not the typical Snape, especially for me.

But it wouldn't get out of my head, and hopefully now I can focus on my other stories.

Quote by William Shakespeare

Always,

Sinkme


End file.
